In New Jersey, We Need Sanctity of Marriage Boards

by: joeynovick

Sat Nov 21, 2009 at 08:33:21 AM EST

There has been a lot of talk about putting the issue of marriage equality on the ballot in New Jersey.

This is something that Assemblywoman Alison Littell McHose , Senator-Elect Michael Doherty, and Assemblyman Michael Patrick King would like to see. "Let the people decide," they say.

If the Republicans want this issue on the ballot in New Jersey, then I think we need some ground rules on just who should be allowed to vote.

Of course, divorced people should be taken off the voter rolls.  If they can't maintain the sanctity of their own marriage, who are they to determine the sanctity of other marriages? DONE.

I'd also disqualify anyone who committed adultery or any couple living together in sin. GONE.

Additionally, if anyone is over 45 who has never been married ----they should not be allowed to vote.  If they can't commit by then, are they really committed to America? BUH-BYE.

While we're at it, if Republicans want this done on a state by state basis nationally, perhaps we should have the vote done in NJ on a county by county basis. Maybe even on a town by town basis. After all, if we're trying to protect the institution of marriage, and we're letting people vote on it, maybe we should put weddings up for a vote, or at least before local officials who are surely committed to protecting the sanctity of marriage in their own towns. Maybe we need ---in addition to Planning Boards, School Boards, Fire Districts, and Borough Councils ----a Sanctity of Marriage Board.

The Sanctity of Marriage Board. An elected group of pious and committed community minded folks who can decided who should marry, and who should not. What's another level of government bureaucracy in state with 566 municipalities?

Currently, a couple shows up to city hall and applies for a wedding license.  All very clerical and merely ministerial.

But maybe it would be better for the happy couple to appear before the Sanctity of Marriage Board and prove to the duly elected leaders of the community that each of them are committed to the institution of marriage.  They could have witnesses too!  Maybe the bride's mother pleading with the Board for their approval, or a jilted boyfriend seeking a denial in order to get a second chance with the bride.

It's all quite clear to me now.

Imagine the election campaigns for the coveted spots on the Sanctity of Marriage Board?  An SMB incumbent walking door-to-door campaigning for votes might hear comments like, "Our property taxes have gone down, and I do like the additional trash pick-up day, but how could you let that nice college girl from the Feldman family marry that dirt-bag from the Zansky clan?"

Or, "I set my sister up with a doctor.  A doctor!  And you voted against their wedding.  And now, she's living by herself in an apartment with twenty cats! You lost my vote, pal!"

Of course, this is all quite reasonable because marriage is too important an institution to be simply left to adults making private decisions about their own future.

Marriage is a sacred institution, so sacred, that it must be put up for a vote.

Joey Novick can be reached via email at joeynovick@earthlink.net.

AP Newswired: Balloon Boy Endorses Chris Christie

by: joeynovick

Sun Oct 25, 2009 at 09:56:07 AM EDT

Cross-posted at www.Politickernj.com

In a stunning announcement, sure to surprise the world of politics in New Jersey, Falcon Heene (otherwise known as "Balloon Boy") has decided to endorse a candidate for governor in the New Jersey race this year.

His choice: Republican Chris Christie.

"Mr. Christie represents our family's values, and our son chose him all on his own," said Falcon's parents, Richard and Mayumi.

The Heenes were the alleged perpetrators of the Colorado balloon incident that occurred on October 15, 2009, when their six-year-old son was mistakenly believed to have floated away in a homemade balloon, attracting worldwide attention.  The young Falcon added, "You guys said this, the Christie endorsement, um, we did this for the show."

Richard Heene went on to read statement from his son.

"Mr. Christie's campaign travels parallel roads with the recent incident. Both are being done for the 'show'. Both are full of hot air. The balloon itself was constructed from plastic tarps taped together, covered with an aluminum foil, and held together with string and duct tape."

"The Christie 'agenda' for New Jersey is made up of the same kind of 'substance'. We fully believe, like our balloon, that a Governor Christie administration will rise above the state of New Jersey, soaring through the sky ---just like our balloon. And this is no hoax."

During interviews on ABCs's Good Morning America and NBC's Today , the balloon boy vomited when he was asked about the incident.

Mr. Christie could not be reached for comment to respond to this new endorsement.

What if Joe Ferriero Had a Car Dealership?

by: 9thDistrictModerate

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 12:21:22 AM EDT

I would guess Boss Joe being a red-blooded American would have a nice Ford-Mercury-Lincoln dealer along a picturesque stretch of Truck  1 and 9. He would probably have his lead salesmen be none other than Bob Gordon and Paul Sarlo, his two most reliable yet semi-respected supporters. Senator Joe Coniglio might have to hide in the back because of his latest scandal but he'd do a great job shining tires on a new Crown Vic. This would help all three earn extra income but subvert the dual-office holding ban. It is hard to find a good finance guy you can trust, but I'm sure these days former New York Comptroller Alan Hevesi would be glad to drive over from Queens to charge people 11% interest on a new Focus.  And if Ferriero ever needed something done, like say get a good sandwich or re-price the trade-ins, his loyalists Keith Kazmark or Dennis McNerney would always be ready to jump and ask "how high?"

Of course there would be some rules. Definitely no hybrids, Ferriero would think they were the tools of Bob Gulack and Bergen Grassroots. And any mistakes, such as too high a trade-in on someone's '03 LeSabre, could mean a stay in the dealership freezer or being thrown off the line for a council seat.

My guess is the typical deal could read like this:
"2008 Taurus: $5500 down, $549/month (hey buying from Joe definitely is added value) Rebates Include: $2000 BCDO Donor Discount, (Must have donated $37,500 in past year), $500 Committee Vote Loyalty Discount. Surcharges: $3000 if we find DFA membership card, $5000 if you are a Republican ($7500 rebate if you are a Republican and Change Your Registration.)

As you leave to try to buy a car from a more mainstream dealership, Ferriero might appropriate the old motto from another local politico, "This dealership will not be humped!"

Blue Jersey New Rules - Astroturf Edition

by: PocketAces

Fri Sep 22, 2006 at 09:07:28 AM EDT

Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen.  It's been a busy week here on BlueJersey.  I'd like to welcome Jill Hazelbaker to the audience.  I believe she's out there one, two, three, four times, so a big round of applause to all of her personas.  And I also see the guy with no fashion sense has joined us, so without further ado, let's get on with the show.

New Rule:  No more motherf'ing concern trolls on my motherf'ing blog! - At least snakes are proud of the fact that they crawl around on their bellies.  You don't see them gluing fake legs on their bodies and trying to pass themselves off as gila monsters, do you?  Keep it up and we're going to get Samuel L. Jackson on your ass.

New Rule: Do not wear sandals with a suit. - This is not so much a new rule as a rule that I felt needed to be explicitly stated.  Now, I know that this really should go without saying, but some of our new friends aren't nearly as fabulous as the BlueJersey crowd.

New Rule: If your costume needs a five paragraph essay to explain it, then it's probably not a good costume. - This is a corrollary to the previous rule.  It's approaching the Halloween season, so know that people are getting the urge to dress up, whether as Cher or the frat boy version of Bob Menendez, but if you need to hand out fliers to explain your costume, then it's time to rethink the costume.  It's like when you have to explain the punchline to a joke you heard while sipping brandy and smoking Cubans at the country club.

New Rule: You are no longer to simply say "Bob Menendez's ethical problems" - you must now enumerate them. - While I've heard both long-standing poster and new trolls lament the ethical woes of Bob Menendez, I've never actual heard what those ethical problems are.  So please, the next time you moan about Bob Menendez being our Senator instead of Democrat X because of ethical baggage, explain what that baggage consists of.  Then the rest of us can gladly explain how that's a Republican lie.

New Rule: The next time the Kean campaign wants to troll our little slice of internet heaven, please give us a call before coming over. - We need a little time to clean up the pad before company comes over.  You know, do the dishes, put out fresh towels, make the bed, and maybe bake a cake or cookies.  But we had over 12,000 new vistors yesterday and I wasn't even wearing a clean shirt!  Next time, give us a little notice - maybe we can set up some kind of potluck dinner or something.

And finally...

New Rule: Jill Hazelbaker should resign from the Kean Campaign. - Not because of her (or her staff's) pathetic attempts to concern troll here at BlueJersey, but because of the lame lies she told the press in trying to cover up those actions.  Matt Miller is right, you're credibility is shot to pieces and no good reporter should ever believe another word that comes out of your mouth.  When you're trying to paint your opponent as ethically challenged, it's really tough to make that point when you yourself have no moral compass.  But don't worry, I bet you'd fit right in on the POTUS staff.

New Jersey New Rules: Post Budget Edition

by: PocketAces

Tue Jul 11, 2006 at 10:30:07 AM EDT

New Rule: Pass the budget early.  The State Constitution sets the deadline at June 30th, but it sets no earliest date, so let's not act like college seniors and leave it to the last minute!  This is a three hundred page budget document, not a 2 page response paper!

New Rule: Try to avoid being an "essential employee."  Non-essential employees got a week and a half off with pay (don't forget the floods the week before.  Essential employees had to work on the Fourth of July.  Suckers!

New Rule: The ability to gamble is "essential" to New Jerseyans.  How else are old people supposed to spend their social security checks besides the slots at Bally's or scratchers at the local 7-Eleven?  On their prescriptions or property tax bills?  Never!

New Rule: The State should erect a "Budget Scoreboard" on top of the Gold Dome. At this moment it would read "Codey 2, Roberts 0."

New Rule: When the State shuts down because we don't have a budget, Legislators aren't allowed to take their vacations. Larry Chatzidakis, that means you.  Larry, I know you're absolutely politically irrelevant, given that you are on the lowest rung of the Trenton totem poll, but c'mon, even Walter Kavanaugh and Bob Littell made it to Trenton every day.  Nothing says "Vote me out!" like going to Greece during a state crisis.  But I guess this is one of those Bush playbook things that I just don't get.

And finally, a non-Budget New Rule: Republicans are no longer allowed to invoke the following people when speaking: Robert Kennedy, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr. or Abraham Lincoln.  The first three weren't Republicans and the last one was a Republican back when it was the Democrats who hated non-Whites.  Junior quotes RFK in his opening statement at the Hall Institute virtual debate. If you want to sound like dopes, invoke Reagan.  If you want to be honest, go with Dubya, Quayle and Nixon.