Op-Ed: New Jersey Marriage '08 - Start Your Engines

by: Evan Wolfson

Sat Jan 06, 2007 at 08:37:30 AM EST

Fortunately, we have a lot on which to build. First, thanks to Lambda Legal's case, the unanimous ruling of the NJ Supreme Court, and the creative and constant public education and outreach by Garden State Equality and its amazing array of gay and non-gay organizations and partners - including BlueJersey.com, and its series of engaging ads - it's clear that the people of New Jersey are ready to accept an end to the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage. Had the legislative leaders and the governor stepped forward following the Supreme Court ruling and said that the time is now for full equality, not place-holders, New Jersey would have embraced it (and rapidly come to see, as have the people of Massachusetts, that equality in marriage means families helped and no one hurt; gay couples don't use up all the marriage licenses and there is plenty of marriage to share).

Unfortunately, NJ's political leaders seized on the unsurprising polls that showed that in the immediate aftermath of the decision, a majority was also comfortable with the intermediate step of a parallel, lesser status, and they rushed to that place-holder. Happily, an intense blitz by Garden State Equality, Lambda Legal, and an unprecedented collaboration of movement organizations (the Task Force, HRC, ACLU, MassEquality, and New York's Pride Agenda) and funders made clear to the politicians that those of us committed to equal treatment and full inclusion will not rest until couples have the freedom to marry itself. As a result, Senate President Codey and Assembly Speaker Roberts, along with many other key legislators and leaders, have now acknowledged that marriage itself is the goal, that it is do-able, and that it must be done - soon.  Gov. Corzine has already promised to sign a marriage bill into law.

Garden State Equality has called on all who believe in fairness to hold these leaders to their word, and, with the help of all of us, has pledged a massive effort to win the freedom to marry in New Jersey within the next two years.

As the new year dawns, we begin building on the foundation of civil union already won and the increasing receptivity to marriage equality. We must coax people past complacency or false comfort in the idea that justice is "inevitable" and therefore can wait.  Like Chief Justice Poritz, in her dissent for the three justices who would have finished the job, we must now talk to the people around us about why marriage matters.

The right way to end discrimination in marriage is, of course, to end discrimination in marriage, not repackage it, whether as civil union or any other mandatory other status.

Under American law, marriage, of course, is a civil union (a legal status created by government license) - but civil union is not marriage, and pointedly so.  There are a million songs about love and marriage, but civil union is the words without the music.  We must explain why the separate and unequal status of civil union is insufficient and unnecessary, and ultimately demeaning when offered, as it was last year, in order to perpetuate couples' exclusion from marriage itself.

Person by person, month by month, let's describe how marriage - and only marriage, not civil union - offers a comprehensive array of protections and responsibilities under state, federal, and international law.  As I relate in my book, Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality, and Gay People's Right to Marry, this safety net affects every area of life from birth to death, with taxes in between. The rules relating to marriage (not civil union) have been worked out through courts and legislatures to cover a multitude of contingencies, and cannot be replicated by any other contract, statute, or new invention by the state. No separate status provides that security and economic justice, not to mention the dignity of full inclusion and cultural meaning, to same-sex couples and their kids. Around the world, everyone knows what marriage entails. No newly invented status brings what comes, tangibly and intangibly, with a legal marriage license and the two words, "I do."

To be denied the vocabulary of marriage and its meaningful, resonant, and readily understood statement of love and commitment - and instead, have to fumble for 10 documents, explain a new term that doesn't even have a verb, and, possibly, retain a lawyer just to protect your family in a time of crisis - is not fair and not equal. New Jersey can do better. And now is the time.

So here's a New Year's Resolution for all of us. Join with Garden State Equality and other New Jersey and national gay and non-gay groups dedicated to this just cause. Seize the opportunity to make a difference. Start now by inviting friends, family, and fellow citizens to ask themselves these questions:

Either marriage and civil union are the same, in which case why does NJ need two lines at the clerk's office, or they are not the same, in which case what are you withholding from these NJ families, and for what reason?

Would you be prepared to swap your marriage for a civil union?

Have you shared that news with your spouse?

Evan Wolfson is Executive Director of Freedom to Marry and author of Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality, and Gay People's Right to Marry (Simon & Schuster 2004), now in paperback.