Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock in the Palisades, you know that this week Governor Corzine delivered a major budget address that included a half a billion dollars in cuts from last year’s budget. A big husky ouch right in the heart of the Garden State.
As part of this plan for state austerity, towns with fewer than 10,000 people will have their state aid cut in half. Towns with fewer than 5000 people will get no state aid at all.
Zippo. Nada. Zilch. An even bigger ouch.
The budget plan gives towns that don’t have the urge to merge, a nudge to budge. Smaller towns may have to give way to bigger towns. And so on. The bigger fish must eat the smaller fish. But, there is another, better way, if your town likes its home rule ‘small and sweet’, rather than ‘big and brassy’, here’s an idea just for you:
Go Forth and Multiply, New Jersey.
Before your town merges with that that big metropolis next to you and your quiet Main Street gets all swallowed up by a crowded and bustling Route 1, here’s a better solution: Increase your town’s population.
That’s right: Initiate a public policy to bring your town’s population to over 5000, so you don’t lose state aid. And there’s only one fun way to do that.
Tell your citizens to go forth and multiply. Know thy neighbor, in the Biblical sense. It’s good public policy to merge —-with each other, not with the town next to you.
And think it about it. It’s a bi-partisan issue. No liberal Democrat or conservative Republican can or will object.
If you’re a pro-life conservative Republican, you gotta love the idea of ceaseless, continual, and continuous procreation.
And if you’re a liberal Democrat fan of the Kennedys and Bill Clinton, you gotta love the idea of getting to ‘know your neighbor’ in the Biblical sense.
So, New Jersey don’t despair about the threat of losing your state aid. Do the horizontal shuffle. Do the hokey-pokey and shake it all about. Put the ‘sex’ in to Essex, Middlesex, and Sussex. Stop just Metuchen and use that Long Branch. Go down the Jersey Shore, and pay that toll. Go skiing down the Great Gorge. Travel up to the Palisades, and then over the GW Bridge. Take the PATH train through the Holland Tunnel. F$%#k each other, so that Trenton does not F$%#k you first.
Go forth and multiply, Garden Staters. It’s just good public policy.