In the New Jersey GOP Senate primary race we start with Mean Murray Sabrin, Jersey Joke Pinnocchio and Annie “the Nebish” Estabrook. First, Murray attacks Annie, Annie gets all famished and flubs her lines, then Annie has a stroke and everyone else in the GOP gets agita. To cure the agita the GOP big shots turn to Andy “The Bean Baron” Unanue who, they later find out, is really a nightclub owner from New York who lives with his parents in New Jersey so he doesn’t have to pay taxes, and then is fired from the bean factory by his own cousins who claim he was drunk on the job.
That’s not all. In desperation the big shots turn to The Miracle Worker, John Crowley, who single-handedly saved his own kids from an incurable disease. They hope he can perform another trick and miraculously save the NJ GOP from another statewide embarrassment. The Miracle Worker says he’ll think about it, then after thinking about it says he won’t do it. Then The Miracle Worker gets a call from the War Hero (John McCain) begging him to reconsider, which he does. Then The Bean Baron says he’ll get out if The Miracle Worker gets in. The Miracle Worker says he’ll probably get in, but then at the last minute changes his mind again and says this time he’s definitely not getting in. Then The Bean Baron says he’s definitely staying in even though he’s on vacation and doesn’t know when he’ll be back. Now there’s a rumor that another GOP Big Brand Name (Tom Kean Jr.) is thinking about getting into the race if the Bean Baron decides to get out, which the Bean Baron has said he won’t do but might do because he said before he won’t do it but then said he might do it.
In the meantime, back at the Democratic Ranch, everyone waits for the gunfight at the New Jersey corral between Frank “the Alte Kocker” Lautenberg and Rob “Joe Lieberman Wannabee” Andrews. It looks like the GOP will give us The Keystone Cops while the Democrats give us their version of the main event from Rocky VI.