Tag Archive: snark

Gov. Christie to hold “Turn Back The Clock!” Counter-Rally with Republican electeds

promoted by Rosi

As Charles Wowkanech, New Jersey State AFL-CIO President, joins a furious clan of Wisconsin workers who will travel to Trenton this Friday who say the time is now to rally for collective bargaining rights, Gov. Christie will hold a counter rally on the Statehouse steps with Wisconsin Republican Governor Scott Walker.

Christie and Walker will be joined by dozens of other Republican elected officials from around the nation at their “Turn Back The Clock!” Rally. “The time is not ‘Now’; the time is ‘Then’. It is time to turn back the clocks,” asserted Walker in a media release.

more snark below

State Senator Girgenti sued for Patent Infringement of US Pat. No. 4,022,227: ‘The Comb Over’

In what is sure to be a source of embarrassment for State Senator John A. Girgenti (D-35) of Hawthorne —in his capacity as Chairman of the Senate Law and Public Safety Committee, as well as Vice-Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee—–Senator Girgenti was sued last Friday for infringement of United States Patent No. 4,022,227 by Frank & Donald Smith of Orlando, Florida.

According to the suit filed in the United States District Court for the District of New Jersey, the Smith brothers own a patent for “a method of styling hair to cover partial baldness using only the hair on a person’s head. The hair styling requires dividing a person’s hair into three sections and carefully folding one section over another,” – also known as “the comb over.”

United States Patent No. 4,022,227 was issued to the Smiths in 1977.

The suit claims “Girgenti willfully and knowingly infringed upon [the Smith’s patent] and has caused the rightful owners irreparable financial harm.”

The Smiths have asked the court for “an injunction to prevent the continuation of the use of [their patent]” and have also asked the court for “an award of damages because of the alleged patent infringement.” The “willful” infringement of a patent enables the plaintiff to collect treble damages, as well as attorneys’ fees.

Girgenti’s district office had no official comment when contacted, but an anonymous source indicated that the “…suit had no merit, as the Senator has been combing his hair that way for more than twenty years…”.

AP Newswire-Trenton-February 4, 2011: New census data show fastest growing: Facebook-Americans

AP Newswire Trenton February 4, 2011: New census data: Hispanics the dominant minority group; number 2: Facebook-Americans.    

New Jersey’s population grew more racially and online-virtually diverse over the past decade and continued its shift to southern counties, according to new data released today by the Census Bureau.

The numbers from the 2010 Census provide a detailed portrait of the state’s ongoing demographic changes, including population counts for all 21 counties, 566 municipalities.

Among the findings:

• Hispanics are now the dominant minority group in New Jersey after decades of sustained growth.

• However, the number of New Jerseyans who identified themselves as “FaceBook-Americans” rose 39 percent to roughly 1.5 million.

• Twitter-Americans were counted for the first time in 2010, and showed to be a growing virtual population at just under 3%.

• MySpace-Americans, once a dominant group in 2000, have dwindled down to .02% of the virtual population.

The Census information will be used almost immediately to redraw legislative districts in time for the November elections.

A man who identified as “BobinPJs” tweeted that the “rdstrictng plns in NJ n stp trtng us like r dnt exst.”

The white population continued to decline in New Jersey, falling 1 percent to about 6.03 million. This is the second consecutive decade the proportion of white residents has fallen in New Jersey, which New Jersey State Tea Party chair Donald Bardus Swartz, of Teaneck immediately “blamed on the Jews.”

In other news, Congressman Jon Ryan expressed concern that the new census data may cause New Jersey to lose several state legislative seats: “…now we have 40 state senators. This decrease in population due to having less people may cause that number to be 38 or even 35 by the time we’re all done.”

New Jersey News Shocker: Christie To Perform Super Bowl Halftime Show

Ending a six-year run of classic rock stalwarts, the Republican governor of the Garden State will perform in the Super Bowl XLV halftime show on Feb. 6.

The NFL, in conjunction with the Republican National Committee, announced Gov. Chris Christie’s appearance for the Green Bay Packers-Pittsburgh Steelers game this coming Super Sunday.

He will be the first contemporary act since the Janet Jackson-Justin Timberlake craziness of 2004,

said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and newly-elected GOP National Chair Reince Priebus, in a joint press release.

Priebus, who is from Wisconsin and a Green Bay Packers fan, indicated that special precautions were being taken to make sure that a similar “wardrobe malfunction” did not take place during the governor’s appearance.

…That could get really ugly,

added Priebus.

The last six performers — Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, and the Who — all had decades of hits with appeal for viewers of all ages.

The Garden State Governor has no such track record, but remains a reliable bet:

He has become a YouTube sensation, yelling at NJEA teachers and stumping for Republican candidates across the nation,

added Goodell.

…in the early days of the Super Bowl, the NFL had such reliable and legendary entertainers as Carol Channing in 1970 and 72; and Up with People in 1976. We feel going back to good family wholesome entertainment, is what families want to see at the Super Bowl,

finished Goodell.

The exact production of the governor’s performance was still unknown at press time but Goodell assured fans that

they would see the governor at his best.

The University of Texas Marching Band will be playing the role of ‘union teachers’ in a big musical finale, where the governor yells at all of them all at once…there’s also gonna be several feet of machine made snow, during which the governor flies off to Florida,

said Goodell proudly.

Super Bowl XLV will take place at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

Runyan launching an investigation of Obama for refusing to “reveal who is coming from China”.

snark, promoted by Rosi

Janaury 18th, 2011: NJ 3rd District Congressman wants to know “Who’s Coming to the US From China?”

Congressman Jon Runyan is launching an investigation of the Obama Administration for refusing to “reveal who is coming from China” for a state visit this week.

“The only thing I heard from the White House was a question, ‘Who is coming from China?’. This administration needs to be more open with the American people regarding foreign affairs,” said newly elected Congressman. “This is outrageous.”

Last week, the Obama administration issued an update of the presidential schedule to newly elected Speaker of the House John Boehner, and he passed the information onto Runyan in a phone conversation. We obtained the transcript:

Speaker Boehner: Hu is coming from China.

Rep. Runyan: That’s what I want to find out.

Speaker Boehner: That’s what I said: Hu is coming from China.

Rep. Runyan: Are you the Speaker?

Speaker Boehner: Yes.

Rep. Runyan: And you don’t know this Chinaman’s name?

Speaker Boehner: Well, I should.

Rep. Runyan: Well, then who’s coming from China?

Speaker Boehner: Yes.

Rep. Runyan: I mean the fellow’s name.

Speaker Boehner: Hu.

Rep. Runyan: The guy coming from China.

Speaker Boehner: Hu.

Rep. Runyan: The Chinese guy having dinner with Obama.

Speaker Boehner: Hu.

Rep. Runyan: The guy eating in the White House…

Speaker Boehner: Hu is having dinner with Obama!

Rep. Runyan: I’m asking YOU who’s having dinner with Obama

Speaker Boehner: That’s the man’s name.



Rep. Runyan: That’s who’s name?

Speaker Boehner: Yes.

Rep. Runyan: Well go ahead and tell me.

Speaker Boehner: That’s it.

Rep. Runyan: That’s who?

Speaker Boehner: Yes.

PAUSE

Rep. Runyan: Does THIS guy have a birth certificate?

Speaker Boehner: I should think so.

Rep. Runyan: Who’s having dinner with Obama?

Speaker Boehner: That’s right.

Rep. Runyan: What’s the Chinese guy’s name on his birth certificate?

Speaker Boehner: No, Watt is the name of the Secretary of the Interior under Reagan.

Rep. Runyan: I’m not asking who served under Reagan.

Speaker Boehner: Hu never served under Reagan! I am telling you, Hu is the president of China!

Rep. Runyan: Look, All I’m trying to find out is the Chinese guy’s name.

Speaker Boehner: Hu! Hu is the president of China! Hu is eating with Obama!

Rep. Runyan: Who is the president of China? Who is eating with Obama?

Speaker Boehner: That is the first intelligent thing you have said.

Rep. Runyan: I don’t even know what I am talking about! If this guy leaves China, he leaves someone else in charge.

Speaker Boehner: I should say he does. A prime minister.

Rep. Runyan: Can tell me the name of the Chinese prime minister?

Speaker Boehner: Do want the name of the Chinese prime minister? Wen.

Rep. Runyan: You can tell me now.

Speaker Boehner: I will tell you: Wen.

Rep. Runyan: You’ll tell me when?

Speaker Boehner: I just told you, Wen.

Rep. Runyan: Look, all I wanna know is who is the Chinese prime minister?

Speaker Boehner: No, Hu is having a state dinner with Obama.

Rep. Runyan: The dinner is for who?

Speaker Boehner: Right. Now you’ve got it!

Rep. Runyan: I don’t even know what I am talking about! And this is taking too long.

Speaker Boehner: What did you say?.

Rep. Runyan: Long! Too long!

Speaker Boehner: Loong? Loong’s the leader of Singapore! He’s not coming to dinner!

Governor’s plan to help Gannett Layoffs: “Create less news…a government about ‘nothing’.”

January 13th 2011: Governor announces plan to deal with Gannett Newspapers Announced Layoff Plans:  “We plan to create less news.  This will become a government about ‘nothing’.”

The Gannett Company, owners of the largest newspaper chain in the nation, announced staff layoffs in three daily New Jersey newspapers.  The Gannett Company includes the Courier News in Somerville, the Home News Tribune of East Brunswick and the Daily Record in Morris County.  Ninety-nine staffers at the papers will have to apply for 53 remaining positions which amounts to the elimination of approximately half the editorial staff. Gannett  has sought assistance from the Math Department at Rutgers to determine exactly “what percentage of 99 is 53.”

The Gannett Company, seeking assistance from the governor’s office and the people of New Jersey, issued a request through the New Jersey Business Action Center for the governor to issue an Executive Order requiring “elected officials around the state to do less, maintain a lower rate of activity by at least 50%, and do ‘less with less’.”

The mayor of a small central New Jersey town, who wish to remain anonymous, said, “For years they’ve been asking us to do more with less; for a while we had to do less with more; and now they’re asking us to do less with less-it’s all getting very confusing.”

“If we can count on cooperation of New Jersey’s state senators, assemblyman, mayors, and locally elected officials to create less news by doing less in their communities, we can ride the wave of this recession by using fewer reporters to report the less news created,” said George H. White, Executive Director of the New Jersey Press Association.

Both Gov. Christie and Senate President Steve Sweeney were ready to do their part: “… I am ready to do less about the financial problems facing New Jersey small towns and create less news,” said the governor in a statement issued by spokesman Michael Drewniak.

“I am also ready to continue abstaining on important issues coming before the state Senate in order to create less news,” said Senate President Sweeney. “Working together we can do less and less, so as to help the New Jersey newspaper industry to survive this recession.”

In other news, JWoww of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” (real name Jenni Farley) filed an Order To Show Cause in court in a bid to stop her former lover and manager from cashing in on nude pictures he had taken of her.

“I’d hate for such photos to destroy my pristine image,” said JWoww.  

And now we enter Earth Two–a parallel universe where Christie is the CEO of a major corporation

And now we enter Earth Two–a parallel universe where Chris Christie is the CEO of a major corporation.

The Republicans always say that we should be running government more like a business. A business, they say should be run as a for-profit enterprise answerable to investors whose only goal is to make money. Where every dime and every dollar is accounted for, and all employees and management are held to the highest standards of accountability and responsibility and credibility.

And so we travel to Earth Two—a parallel universe where Chris Christie is the CEO of a major corporation–NJ Industries–a company whose principal place of business is located in a small Northeastern state just off the Atlantic, and who has factories and offices all over the state employing thousands of workers.

(Just for my own amusement, Earth Two is very much like Earth One with a couple of minor exceptions: number one-Al Gore was elected President of the United States in the year 2000 and just completed his second term at the end of 2008; the Yankees went on to beat the Boston Red Sox in four straight games in 2004 and then went on to win the World Series that year; and from 1968 to 1974 I played small forward for the New York Knicks, coming off the bench to substitute for Bill Bradley periodically. Oh, also I taught Phil Jackson all he knows about basketball those years. But I digress…).

As it turns out CEO Chris Christie of NJ Industries decided to take a vacation with his family to DisneyWorld–while a snow blizzard crisis was taking place that closed all the NJ Industries around the state, putting thousands of workers out of work. Additionally, the Deputy-CEO Kim Guadagno arranged to be out of the country with her family in Mexico–approved by CEO Christie.

After Christie returned from DisneyWorld, he was called before the NJ Industries Board of Directors, led by Board President Steve Sweeney who was left in charge of NJ Industries during Christie’s vacation.

Board President Sweeney: ” Sir, why didn’t you return to help deal with the blizzard crisis at NJ Industries once you knew about it?”

CEO Christie:  “I would have been doing the same thing here as I would have been there,” Christie said, “I would have been in a room someplace. I would not have been out, like, driving a plow.”*

Board President Sweeney:  “Sir, no one is suggesting that you should be out there plowing the snow yourself…but what about all the factory workers who couldn’t get to their jobs…”.

CEO Christie: “If someone is snowed into their house, that’s not our responsibility, — I know who they are and they should buck up and take responsibility for the fact that they didn’t do their job.”*

Board President Sweeney:  “Sir, you are the CEO of NJ Industries and you’re elected for your leadership skills. You left me in charge and never even called me from Florida to let me know what was going on.”

CEO Christie: “…You–Sweeney and I consulted on all of the significant decisions that needed to be made during the period of my time out of the state…we never once disagreed on what needed to be done.”*

Board President Sweeney:  “I never spoke to you the entire time…you and I never spoke until you got back.”

CEO Christie: “You can decide to be a showboat, hop on a plow and act like you’re doing something or you can actually put leadership skills to work that put competent people with good character in important positions,”.*

Board President Sweeney: “As CEO, don’t you think you have a responsibility to our investors and employees?”

CEO Christie: “I know what my responsibility is. And I know my responsibility as a father. I wanted to be there with my kids… I had a great five days with my children. I promised that….my wife warned me to not ‘even think about’ canceling the trip.”*

Board President Sweeney: “Any final thoughts on this issue, sir?”

CEO Christie: “All of the Monday morning quarterbacking and the harping and complaining should just take a breath”.*

Board President Sweeney: “Thank you, sir. We will be meeting with the Board of Directors, and let you know if your actions in the crisis constitute a need to replace you permanently— applying standard business principles in a capitalist society.”

And CEO Christie on Earth Two signed a letter seeking money from the Federal Emergency Management Agency to help cover cleanup costs related to the storm—even though he opposed the bailouts from the federal government two other industries during the Earth Two recession.

* Governor Christie’s actual answers  to questions posed by the press regarding his absence from New Jersey—on Earth One.

January 3, 2011: News Shocker: Governor Christie to Trademark Expression “This is WHO I Am!™”

If Chris Christie has his way, no other elected official in the United States will be able to use the expression, “This is WHO I Am!”. This has been the governor’s signature way of expressing to the New Jersey public exactly who he is, with a capital WHO.

In 1946, Congress passed the Lanham Act, which currently defines federal protection and registration for trademarks in the United States. And with his new found international fame due to the New Jersey blizzard crisis, Christie has decided to trademark expression, “This is WHO I Am!”.  The story about Christie staying in Disney World while New Jersey tried to dig itself from more than 2 feet of snow has been the topic of blogs and newspapers all over the world, and even the front pages at the London Daily Mail.

This is an expression that he used for the first time in his early candidate debates against former Gov. John Corzine.  But Gov. Christie began to be known for the expression “This is WHO I Am!” in his viral video attacks on teachers, especially Flemington teacher Marie Corfield. Corfield challenged Christie over state education cuts at a town hall meeting in September. Their tense exchange was posted on YouTube.

Earlier this year, the governor was challenged by Star-Ledger columnist Tom Moran during a press conference at the State House for his ‘confrontational tone’.  The governor’s response: ” Tom, you must be very thin-skinned…This is WHO I Am!’.”

If the governor’s trademark application is approved, the expression will have to be printed this way by the media: “This is WHO I Am! ™”—With the word ‘who’ in capital letters; always with an exclamation point; and followed by the legal trademark symbol, ‘TM’.

“According to the United States Patent and Trademark Office, there are two other current users of the ‘This is who I am! expression: One by the Richline Group, for jewelry. And one by the WNBA, for its use in ‘entertainment and educational services in the nature of ongoing television and radio programs in the field of basketball’,” said Marc Manshen, a trademark attorney with Lowe, Ball & Lynch of Bayonne.

Neither could be reached for comment, but Manshen gave reassurances that “the governor does not wear ‘womens jewelry’, nor does he play basketball”, so there is the unlikely possibility for any consumer confusion.

“The only major issue we anticipate in the application is the use of a similar expression, ‘I Yam What I Yam!’ registered by Time Warner, continued Manshen.

“But the governor looks nothing like Popeye, the character who is most closely associated with the expression. Nor is the governor a fictional character.”

News Shocker: NJ Tea Party – “The Jews Are To Blame For All The Snow In NJ.”

“The war against Christmas has been perpetrated by the Jews in New Jersey, and this has caused the blizzard conditions that impacted towns from Bergen County to Cape May,” declared New Jersey State Tea Party chair Donald Bardus Swartz, of Teaneck.

“Schools, malls, public squares, municipal buildings–are all prevented from singing traditional religious Christian Christmas carols such as ‘Little Drummer Boy’, ‘Silent Night’, ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’—-or any song that mentions God or Jesus Christ.”

Swartz, one of the original founders of the New Jersey State Tea Party, said that the ACLU worked along with the Jews in order to make sure that “Christ was not kept in Christmas this year”.

“We have been relegated to sing such songs as ‘Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!’, ‘Walking In A Winter Wonderland’ and ‘Frosty The Snow Man!’. It is obvious to us that this so confused God, that the message the Lord received is that we wanted it to snow—instead of wanting to keep Christ in Christmas. Apparently, from God, you get what you pray for.”

Swartz said that it was no wonder that Governor Christie stayed in Florida, with so much snow in New Jersey. “Where would you rather be—in a godless state or on Main Street USA with Mickey?”

In other news, it was reported that Governor Christie was prevented from riding Space Mountain due to the Magic Kingdom requirement that ‘all passengers on this ride must be smaller than the Mountain itself.”