(Blue Jersey's version of the popular Bill Maher feature. - promoted by Xpatriated Texan)
[Band starts the theme music. Lights go down. Announcer: "Please welcome our host, PocketAces!" Curtain raises...and BAM!]
Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen. It's been a busy week here on BlueJersey. I'd like to welcome Jill Hazelbaker to the audience. I believe she's out there one, two, three, four times, so a big round of applause to all of her personas. And I also see the guy with no fashion sense has joined us, so without further ado, let's get on with the show.
New Rule: No more motherf'ing concern trolls on my motherf'ing blog! - At least snakes are proud of the fact that they crawl around on their bellies. You don't see them gluing fake legs on their bodies and trying to pass themselves off as gila monsters, do you? Keep it up and we're going to get Samuel L. Jackson on your ass.
New Rule: Do not wear sandals with a suit. - This is not so much a new rule as a rule that I felt needed to be explicitly stated. Now, I know that this really should go without saying, but some of our new friends aren't nearly as fabulous as the BlueJersey crowd.
New Rule: If your costume needs a five paragraph essay to explain it, then it's probably not a good costume. - This is a corrollary to the previous rule. It's approaching the Halloween season, so know that people are getting the urge to dress up, whether as Cher or the frat boy version of Bob Menendez, but if you need to hand out fliers to explain your costume, then it's time to rethink the costume. It's like when you have to explain the punchline to a joke you heard while sipping brandy and smoking Cubans at the country club.
New Rule: You are no longer to simply say "Bob Menendez's ethical problems" - you must now enumerate them. - While I've heard both long-standing poster and new trolls lament the ethical woes of Bob Menendez, I've never actual heard what those ethical problems are. So please, the next time you moan about Bob Menendez being our Senator instead of Democrat X because of ethical baggage, explain what that baggage consists of. Then the rest of us can gladly explain how that's a Republican lie.
New Rule: The next time the Kean campaign wants to troll our little slice of internet heaven, please give us a call before coming over. - We need a little time to clean up the pad before company comes over. You know, do the dishes, put out fresh towels, make the bed, and maybe bake a cake or cookies. But we had over 12,000 new vistors yesterday and I wasn't even wearing a clean shirt! Next time, give us a little notice - maybe we can set up some kind of potluck dinner or something.
And finally...
New Rule: Jill Hazelbaker should resign from the Kean Campaign. - Not because of her (or her staff's) pathetic attempts to concern troll here at BlueJersey, but because of the lame lies she told the press in trying to cover up those actions. Matt Miller is right, you're credibility is shot to pieces and no good reporter should ever believe another word that comes out of your mouth. When you're trying to paint your opponent as ethically challenged, it's really tough to make that point when you yourself have no moral compass. But don't worry, I bet you'd fit right in on the POTUS staff. |
