Veepstakes comes to New Yersey

by: smells_like_the_onion

Wed May 14, 2008 at 11:39:59 AM EDT

My sources are-a all abuzz today.  They are-a tell me that Senator Omama is-a gon announce that he pick a running mate today.  And, this is-a ver' important, it's-a not be a Catholic.  No.  Not even a Presbyterian.  No.  Not even a Christian at all.

Now, this might have be a big-a deal once upon a time.  Because, you know, America is-a Christian nation and-a all that.  But - after having the Left Hand of-a Satan as VP for-a eight years - a Jew not so bad.  That, by the way, is how-a the Pope refer to Dick Cheney, so don't send-a me hate mail.  

So, I'm-a think that the VP is-a gon be Congressman Steppin' Steve Mothman.  Yeah.  This-a come to me while I'm-a say the rosary, and when I look-a at my toast, I see-a the image of the Holy Mother in-a the cinnamon.  So, I'm-a take it as the word of God.

Steppin' Steve Mothman, in case-a you no know, he's-a the northeastern chair of the Omama campaign.  We call-a him "Steppin Steve" because he a real good dancer.  Not like-a Tony Snow dancer - always-a talk-talk-talk but never-a answer question.  No.  He know how to walz.  And-a foxtrot.  Plus, he know all-a the words for "Hava Nagila".  That's-a one snappy song!

Anyway, the word is that Senator Omama really like Mr. Mothman.  You see, Mothman is-a very strong on supporting Israel, because, you know, he's a Jew.  And-a ever'one know that Omama has-a had trouble locking up-a the Jewish vote.  In fact, the Jewish people no like to hear Omama talk about locking up anything to do with them.  But it a ver' different message coming from-a Mr. Mothman.

Also, there is no better way to show-a Arabic leaders that Omama is serious about Middle East peace than to have a Jewish VP.  That send a ver' strong message to them that we not put up with no bs.  This is-a no a joke because our other alternative is-a to send Johann McKKKain who want to "Bomb-bomb-bomb" someone - he no care who.  Maybe Iran, maybe Detroit.  It-a all the same to him.  See, Dick Cheney may be the Left Hand of Satan, but Johann McKKKain is-a the Middle Finger of the Left Hand of Satan.  I'm-a just say.

Anyway.  Like I say, Omama gonna say that Mothman will help him dance-a to the White House.  Remember, you hear it here first.