What if Joe Ferriero Had a Car Dealership?

by: 9thDistrictModerate

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 12:21:22 AM EDT

I would guess Boss Joe being a red-blooded American would have a nice Ford-Mercury-Lincoln dealer along a picturesque stretch of Truck  1 and 9. He would probably have his lead salesmen be none other than Bob Gordon and Paul Sarlo, his two most reliable yet semi-respected supporters. Senator Joe Coniglio might have to hide in the back because of his latest scandal but he'd do a great job shining tires on a new Crown Vic. This would help all three earn extra income but subvert the dual-office holding ban. It is hard to find a good finance guy you can trust, but I'm sure these days former New York Comptroller Alan Hevesi would be glad to drive over from Queens to charge people 11% interest on a new Focus.  And if Ferriero ever needed something done, like say get a good sandwich or re-price the trade-ins, his loyalists Keith Kazmark or Dennis McNerney would always be ready to jump and ask "how high?"

Of course there would be some rules. Definitely no hybrids, Ferriero would think they were the tools of Bob Gulack and Bergen Grassroots. And any mistakes, such as too high a trade-in on someone's '03 LeSabre, could mean a stay in the dealership freezer or being thrown off the line for a council seat.

My guess is the typical deal could read like this:
"2008 Taurus: $5500 down, $549/month (hey buying from Joe definitely is added value) Rebates Include: $2000 BCDO Donor Discount, (Must have donated $37,500 in past year), $500 Committee Vote Loyalty Discount. Surcharges: $3000 if we find DFA membership card, $5000 if you are a Republican ($7500 rebate if you are a Republican and Change Your Registration.)

As you leave to try to buy a car from a more mainstream dealership, Ferriero might appropriate the old motto from another local politico, "This dealership will not be humped!"