How would you respond to email like this?

fun with email (4.00 / 2)

I get these too. Just send them a big hug and kiss and that's usually enough to scare them away forever.

The most revealing part to me is that he literally believes that the entire world population is inbred.

You could always send a variation of the "Dear Dr Laura (Schlessinger)" email:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

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by: Juan Melli @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 14:21:53 PM UTC

Re (4.00 / 1)

I love the Dr. Laura letter!  My friend uses it in class with the nutjobs who tell her she is going to Hell.

To the e-mailer:

Its Adam and Steve, not Tom and Michael.  There was a typo in the printed version of the Bible.

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by: SmartyJones @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 14:38:32 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

Good one! (3.00 / 1)

"Where ever you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Bonzai

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by: William Weber (WjcW) @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 15:59:23 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

Daymn Juan, you hit the nail on the head. (0.00 / 0)

That was a pretty funny letter.....

Check out my 3 paragraph primer on Polywell Fusion.

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by: FogerRox @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 23:29:09 PM UTC

[ Parent ]

teachable moment? (3.00 / 1)

I'm going to hold off on being snarky for a moment, because I think that this writer has created an opportunity for a very interesting discussion by bringing up the issue of the world's population.

When we consider the fact that the current rate of world population growth is probably one of the greatest challenges facing our world as a whole, especially in some of the more conservative parts of the world where homosexuality is not simply cause for discrimination, but more likely outright and violent persecution, is it possible to make the argument that if one believes in God, one can also believe that God had a reason for orienting some men and women towards homosexuality.

While I do not mean to belittle the experience of the LGBTI community in the United States and Europe and some of the other parts of the world where homosexuality is relatively more tolerated than in other parts and I also don't mean to dismiss the miracles of modern science that enable all women, including, but not limited to lesbians, to become pregnant without the necessity of heterosexual intercourse, imagine how much more challenging the problem of world population growth would be if 10% of the population wasn't homosexual.  It is very possible that many of the population-related problems that generations to come are expected to experience would have already come to pass by now and obliterated existence as we know it.

If you believe in God, is it possible to believe that prior to the invention of in vitro fertilization, God oriented some of his human creations to be homosexual as a check on population growth and so that they could be caregivers for the millions of unwanted children throughout the world?  This is not to say that homosexuals should not be able to benefit from in vitro fertilization or that they should be require to adopt children, but it seems to me to be a fair question to ask the person who wrote this e-mail.

It is unfortunate that so many believers in Gold limit their beliefs to the teachings from specific books and fail to use them and their own imaginations to apply those teachings to their everyday life experiences and extrapolate upon them even further to gain a far greater understanding of humanity.  If they did, I think that they would find far less about which to be upset and far more about which to rejoice, because they would suddenly discover the universality of all beliefs, which would serve to bring people together in harmony and unity, instead of dividing them.

If you believe in God, is it possible to believe that members of the LGBTI community are listening to God and those who choose to do so are following Jesus.  Based on the little that I have read about him (Jesus), I get the sense that he would have seen as much value in them and the way that they live their lives as so many of us do.  And because they are listening to God and living their lives the way that they do, the world is as good (all things considered) as it is.

In fact, if one were to make a list of all of the good and bad attributes of life in the world that we live in today and identified those that can be attributed to members of the LGBTI community, there are too many good ones to list (but I'll throw out Indigo Girls and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy as starters - feel free to add your own below) and the only bad ones that I can think of at the moment is the guy that the Bush Administration planted in the White House Press Corps a while back, Roy Cohn, and J. Edgar Hoover.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, it is time for a much snarkier question.  If Adam and Eve were created by God to populate the world, why did they only give birth to two sons?  And even if they had given birth to a daughter, couldn't that be used to justify incest?

I also like the Dr. Laura letter that I first came across while watching West Wing.

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by: Bertin Lefkovic @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 15:32:50 PM UTC

Re (0.00 / 0)

My carefully worded and serious response was clicked off into cyberspace.  The short version:

a) There are teachable (sp?) moments and teachable people.  The moment and the person are neither.  The e-mailer is very much the enemy and should be treated as such.  Trust me on this.

b) From my feminist perspective, I must dis-respectfully disagree with your historical/biological view.  This is a discussion for another time, perhaps another blog.

c) Political humor is dead-on serious.

The Dr. Laura letter may make us (mostly white liberals/progressives) laugh, but it makes the fundies crazy.  Think about it.  If one takes Leviticus literally in this modern world, one must immediately take off all one's clothing and vomit up one's fried shrimp lunch to avoid invoking the wrath of God.  Trust me on this.

Even my lame attempts at humor on this blog have some serious underpinnings.  I do it to laugh, and to avoid crying.  Unfortunately, for the most part, I am a comic only in my own mind.

Adam and Steve and the typo, supra, have a point. Although the Rebbees and the Jebees have spent their lives studying the Old and New Testaments, I am compelled to ask:  Who wrote this stuff?  Under what circumstances did they write it? Is it subject (like our Constitution) to strict construction or should it be interpreted as a document that is necessary, but fluid and adaptable to our times?

If I were the "Decider," I would want most of our political strength (read, war mongering) to be "decided" on a football field.  Then, at least, New Orleans would have a chance.

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by: SmartyJones @ Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 02:48:09 AM UTC

[ Parent ]

Leviticus 20:13 (4.00 / 1)

Leviticus 20:13

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives.

First you might ask what form he thinks the death penalty should take. If the death penalty is outlawed in New Jersey, will he carry out the punishment himself? Then suggest that he write a letter to the editor expressing his views on how exactly he thinks gays should be put to death. That should make it clear enough whether he really believes what he wrote to you or if he's just full of hate.

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by: Juan Melli @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 16:19:27 PM UTC

I would have a simple response: (4.00 / 1)

"Dear Sir or Madam:

It is my experience that those who spend inordinate amounts of time, worrying about what other might or might not be doing with their genitalia, obviously are not doing enough with their own.

Sincerely,

etc, etc..."

I am so weary of scolds.

The nom de plume has a long and distinguished history.

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by: Tandalayo Scheisskopf @ Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 20:29:08 PM UTC