We name not to honor Obama...

by: smells_like_the_onion

Fri Mar 18, 2011 at 08:00:06 AM EDT

State Monitor Rod Bruceman announced today that the Barack H. Obama elementary school in Asbury Park would be closed permanently.

"The school will be closed permanently," he said. "It's a run down piece of crap that should probably have been named after Ronald Reagan because it looks like whoever was in charge of maintenance had Alzheimers."

Area residents expressed shock and outrage.

"I'm shocked and outraged," said Ian A. Biggot. "Whose idea was it to name an elementary school after the Secret Muslim Man?"

Flemocratic State Chair Whizzy McWhizzerton was hurt and saddened.

"I am hurt and saddened," he said in a written statement, "that Asbury Park would pick their crappiest school to name after our honored President."

Governor Myst Mysty threw his considerable weight onto the other side of the scales.

"I can squish McWhizzerton like a walnut between my butt cheeks. It was never intended to be an honor. It's like when we take the most dangerous neighborhood in town and name it "Martin Luther King Way" or something. It's ironic. It's satirical. It's meant to show that we don't really care. Sort of like naming an airport after Ronald Rayguns after he fired the air traffic controllers. God that's a good one!"