Breaking News! Prince Charlie's First Draft Discovered!

by: Thurman Hart

Sat May 27, 2006 at 10:25:00 PM EDT

I can't tell you how I found this first draft of Prince Charlie's statement, but I swear to McGreevey that every word is true:

Ok, you got me.  I ripped you people off.  So what?  I've been doing it for years.  You cretins think you can stop me?  You're idiots.  I've stolen so much money that I now actually use twenty dollar bills for toilet paper.

You little people need to understand that I am orders of magnitude of greatness above your petty level.  You should bow on your knees and kiss my godly ass for putting up with your little drool-slobbering kids.  Not that I actually see any of the booger-eaters, but theoretically that's why I'm here.

You may have gotten me this time, but this is small fry.  My entire career has been a single long string of embezzlements, petty thefts, and claiming responsibility for things I had no idea were actually happening.  I'll give your stinking money back - you simpering twits.  I have plenty more where that came from.

Now get off my ass and start hating on Corzine again.  After all, he's going to raise your taxes.  I just did what amounts to business as usual.  Never mind that hand in your pocket.  I assure you  that your money will be spent wisely.