Author Archive: joeynovick

I go to Hunterdon GOP HQ & watch Chris Christie endorse Steve Lonegan

Chris Christie comes to Hunterdon for an obligatory moment standing next to Steve Lonegan, and goes after Cory Booker for hanging out with Oprah Winfrey, despite the fact he’s warmed Oprah’s couch plenty himself. Promoted by Rosi

Chris Christie endorses Steve LoneganGovernor Christie could not have chosen a more out of the way place than Hunterdon County GOP HQ – hot, crowded, poorly ventilated – to endorse Steve Lonegan for United States Senate. I thought the endorsement would take place outdoors, at least in the parking lot. Or, on this beautiful cool August day, Lonegan could have opted for the Flemington Borough Park. But then the press would have noted just how sparse the crowd actually was. Packed in a room they look much larger.

However, all the key players were there: Rep. Leonard Lance (whom called Lonegan his “partner in fiscal conservatism” from his support of the then-State Senator’s lawsuit against then-Gov. Jim McGreevey). Lance mustered up just enough faux enthusiasm to sound almost real in his endorsement.

After Lance, State Senator Mike Doherty took the stage and sincerely endorsed the former mayor of Bogota. The two of them have been in simpatico since 2009 when Lonegan coattails enabled Doherty to crush Marcia Karrow in their State Senate primary in Warren and Hunterdon – two of the counties where Lonegan resoundingly beat Christie in 2010.

Then the show really began, when Christie showed up. Looking slimmer and ready for the road show for 2016 that he’d like to see begin for him the morning after Election Day 2013, Christie went right for the jugular on Mayor Cory Booker (a mayor with whim he has shared the stage many times; many more times than he’s shared any stage with Lonegan, I think). He attacked Booker for being the choice of the “Hollywood elites”, for appearing on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and being a liberal. Never mind the fact that Christie himself has also warmed Oprah’s couch, has done his share of the TV circuit (Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live, and the new Michael J. Fox show in the fall).  

Newark Fireman Runs into City Hall To Help Pass Stalled Bill

In what is certain to be an astonishing turn of events, Ralph “Buddy” Simmons, a firefighter of the WEST WARD ENG. 11 / LADDER 11 -located at 345 SOUTH 9TH AVENUE ran into City Hall to help pass a stalled bill.

“I was walking past City Hall on Broad Street, when I heard cries for help coming from the second floor of the building. I ran into the building, without thinking or concern for my own safety,” said Simmons, a 12 year veteran of the Newark Fire Department.

At the time, the Newark Municipal Council members were arguing loudly over a “new ordinance that would impact something or other on the citizens of Newark… their quality of life… from all the yelling and screaming I heard, I know I didn’t have much time to help,” added Simmons.

Councilman Ras J. Baraka was yelling one thing, while Augusto Amador and Donald M. Payne, Jr. were shouting another, according to reports. Then there was chaos all over the Council room, as Simmons entered.

Simmons immediately took control, calming down the frenetic members of Council. He carried both council members Ron Rice Jr. and Mildred C. Crump, over his shoulders out onto Broad Street to safety.

City officials say he was fortunate.

“The outcome was positive but it was a very dangerous decision to make and likely not to be successful if you are untrained and unequipped,” noted city of Newark spokesperson, Julia Garza-Martinez. Simmons was treated for ‘verbosity inhalation’ at the University of Medicine and Dentistry.

Firefighter Simmons is being hailed as a hero for running into the City Hall building to save this Bill. But city officials say that such actions often end badly.

“Laws are like sausages – it is best not to see them being made,” laughed Garza-Martinez

Acting Governor Kim Guadagno “Giddy” and “Gleeful”

Acting Governor Kim Guadagno could hardly contain herself and was described as acting like a “pre-teen school girl meeting Zac Efron or Justin Bieber for the first time,” as she made several appointments to fill empty seats on state boards.

The state’s first Lt. Governor filled seats on the Governor’s Council on the Prevention of Developmental Disabilities, Middlesex County College Board of Trustees and the State Board of Mortuary Science.

“What do I do now?” asked Guadagno, as she giggled her way through signing off on the appointments (which had already been decided upon by Christie)  before he and his family left for Israel for five days.

Ms. Guadagno was somewhat unfamiliar with the authority of the Office of the Governor, having “never been given this much responsibly before,” noted one undisclosed State Street source.

A few days earlier, on Tuesday, Guadagno pressed the “power button” on what is expected to become one of the 10 most powerful academic supercomputers in the world at Rutgers University. The ceremony marked the opening of the Rutgers Discovery Informatics Institute (RDII), which will house the IBM supercomputer.

“This is just so super awesome-turning on a ‘super-duper’ computer!” giggled Guadagno. She even had her press staff  ‘update her Facebook page’ to reflect her daily activities as Acting Guv: “I’m the Guv this week! Neat-o keen!”.

The Lt. Governor was asked, “to tone down her enthusiasm” just a tad, while acting as governor, in Christie’s absence.

“I’m sorry-I just don’t get to do this ‘governor-thing’ too much. This is just so cool,” shrieked Guadagno. To her credit, she did take a more somber tone when appointing the members of the State Board of Mortuary Science.

“I used my ‘serious look’ during that appointment,” noted the Acting Governor, “since they work with ‘death’ and ‘dying’ and stuff.”

Christie Has Private Meeting with God To Compare Notes, Leadership Styles

In Exodus 3:14, “And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM.”

Early last year, when questioned by reporters on his insulting and confrontational style, Chris Christie said, “But the fact of the matter is, This Is Who I Am!™, and this is who the people elected.”

Similar leadership style? Same personal points of view?

Christie is traveling in Israel, and the opportunity in a private meeting with Our Lord Thy God to “compare notes, leadership style, political points of view, and other various things that came up at the Wailing Wall.

Christie’s Israel visit could raise speculation that he is positioning himself for a future run, and his trip will be watched by Democrats and Republicans alike.

Israel is a popular stop for American politicians on the rise seeking to bolster their international credibility while also appealing to Jewish constituents.

Speaking to reporters after visiting the Western Wall, the holiest site where Jews can pray, located in the disputed Old City of Jerusalem, Christie played down any political significance of his trip, calling it a chance for him and his family to see the country.

“I came here for one reason and one reason only: to have a private meeting with The Big Guy Himself, and share leadership notes,” shared Christie. The governor said the two had a “really good and fruitful discussion” about regional issues, including Iran’s disputed nuclear program and expanding trade between Heaven and New Jersey. “He’s been around for like forever, and really knows His Stuff.”

Christie is traveling with his family and a delegation of 13 business and religious leaders. While in Israel, he plans to tour a pharmaceutical facility with an interest in expanding to the U.S., participate in a business round-table and visit a school.

“Oh, also Mary Pat and I will go to a great pizza place in Jerusalem on Jaffa Street, that Netanyahu told me has pizza as good as anything at the Jersey Shore.”

Congressman Leonard Lance- Town Meeting- February 25, 2012

promoted by Rosi

There are those, myself included, who have noticed a great difference between former State Sen. Leonard Lance and current Congressman Leonard Lance.

Star-Ledger columnist Tom Moran, in a May 2011 column, observed that Lance has undergone a “curious transformation” upon his election to Congress. Moran notes, for example, that Lance was a “pro-choice Republican going way back, [however] he voted recently to cut off all funding for Planned Parenthood, even those clinics that provide health care with no abortion services.”

Considering that this is an election year, and Lance faces a primary challenge from the conservative tea party end of his party, don’t expect him to return to the moderate centrist Lance anytime soon.

I attended the Congressman’s Town Meeting today, and Lance let pass any and every opportunity to return to his more moderate centrist former self.

Never Fear, Gay Citizens: Ombuds-Man Will Protect Civil Unions In New Jersey!

Look up in the sky, everybody! Chris Christie was right! Ombuds-Man to the rescue! – promoted by Rosi

Faster than EZ Pass! More powerful than New Jersey Transit! Able to leap the Prudential Center in a single bound!

“Look up in the sky! It’s a Rainbow! It’s a Pink Triangle!” “No, it’s Ombuds-Man!”

It’s Ombuds-Man! By day, a mild-mannered reporter for PolitickerNJ. But when he hears the distressed call of a gay or lesbian couple in need, he dons his rainbow cape and purple mask. Ombuds-Man swishes off whereever there is civil union trouble.

Secretly, he gets his power from the glowing gold dome at the Statehouse in Trenton, and can never be further away from it than the distance to Bergen County in the north or Cape May in the south.

“I have been just as adamant that same-sex couples in a civil union deserve the very same rights and benefits enjoyed by married couples – as well as the strict enforcement of those rights and benefits,” Gov. Christie said. “Ombuds-Man should be able to ensure the state’s civil union law is being followed.”

“That’s good, because the real problem is that Gay couples don’t know how to be ‘married’ since they are civil-unioned…civil-unionized…civil-unionizationalized. Anyway, ‘Ombuds-Man’ is here to help Gay couples,” noted an unnamed spokesman for the governor’s office.

Ombuds-Man Helps a Gay Couple

Take ‘Richard’ and ‘Carl’ (not their real names): Recently, Ombuds-Man heard their cry for help. When he arrived in their suburban home, they were arguing like an ‘old-married couple’, but were doing it all wrong-because they’ve never been married.

Richard : “Carl always leaves his underwear on the floor.” Carl: “Richard never puts the cap back on the toothpaste.”

Ombuds-Man saved the day: “Carl, from now on, you go ‘commando’. Richard, you stop brushing your teeth altogether. Problem solved!”

Richard & Carl: “Thank you, Ombuds-Man! You’re the greatest! With Ombuds-Man, we’ll never need to get married. Who needs to get married when we have Ombuds-Man!!!”

“No, problem, Gay citizens.’ If your union is un-civil, just call Ombuds-Man, We’ll stop that drivel! Up, up and away! I hear the call of a lesbian couple in Hoboken!”

Only Weakness: Logic

“Ombuds-Man’s only weakness is ‘pure logic’. Thank goodness you’ll not find too much of that in Trenton,” explained the unnamed spokesman for the governor’s office.

“I am sure that African-American citizens in the South in the 1950s, would have wanted an ‘Ombuds-Man’ of their own—someone to ensure the strict enforcement of their rights and benefits to sit in the back of a bus, use ‘For Coloreds Only’ water fountains, and have ‘separate but equal’ schools,” added Gov. Christie.

Governor Sees his Shadow: Six More Weeks of Yelling at Public Employees

promoted by Rosi

It’s Groundhog Day, again in Trenton. And this year is no different as the news media eagerly awaited whether Governor Chris Christie would see his shadow, as he emerged from the State House. 

“This is a very exciting time of year. The Occupy Trenton folks have made it through a cold winter. The State Street lobbyists are in full bloom,”‘observed Jeff Tittel, Executive Director or the Sierra Club. “It is a very clear day right now, and we should be able to see the Governor emerging from his meetings very soon.” 

Then the special announcement came, as Christie appeared on State Street, after an early morning meeting with his cabinet. 

“At 8:45am, on February 2nd, 2012, Governor Christie emerged from the gold-domed Capitol building on State Street. And the Governor did see his shadow, and we will have six more weeks of his yelling at public employees.” 

The governor did get started early this year,  by calling Assemblyman Reed Gusciora “numbnuts”. “From the governor’s early activity, we should have been able to predict the results for the next six weeks,” added Tittel.