Trump: The Musical 

Bumped! – Rosi

Hamilton: The Musical has been a huge success, so why not another Broadway show: Trump: the Musical. There are plenty of existing songs that could serve as a starting point for the libretto. After two minor word substitutions the show could open with:  

“America was having trouble, what a sad, sad story.
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory.
Where, Oh where was he? Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found the man for you and me.
And now it’s Springtime for Trump and America.”
  (Mel Brooks)

“Put your money on me; all your money on me,” as Trump ignores the emolument clause and welcomes laundered money. (Arcade Fire) 

“I’m a dangerous man with money in my pocket, as he boasts about how he treats government funds like his personal piggy bank. (Bruno Mars) 

“Immigrants and faggots they make no sense to me.
They come to our country and think they’ll do as they please.” Obviously no wiser words have been spoken. (Guns N’ Roses)

“Don’t say a word, my virgin child, just let your inhibitions run wild.” He’s our macho man. (Rod Stewart)

His admirers could sing: 

“You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.”  (Carly Simon) 

“Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Where everything isn’t meant to be okay.”  (Green Day)

Every show has to have a foil who protests against the hero:

For the love of money people will lie, Lord, they will cheat
For the love of money people don’t care who they hurt or beat.” (The O’Jays?)

“Messenger of fear in sight.
Dark deception kills the light.”
(Metallica)

“He’s a real nowhere man sitting in his nowhere land.
Doesn’t have a point of view; knows not where he’s going to.
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.
He’s as blind as he can be. Just sees what he wants to see.”
(Beatles)

“One always picks the easy fights. One praises fools.
One smothers light. One shifts left to right.”
(Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice)

Of course Trump is the heroic star of this epic musical, so he will come back insisting that we trust him, and the show will end with the melodic, soaring, German Nazi song used in Cabaret, which Trump must like. 

I am that I am; I have all power.
I will deliver If you will only trust me.
Trust me. Trust me.”
(Richard Smallwood)

“Oh fatherland, fatherland show us a sign.
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come when the world is mine.
Tomorrow belongs to me.”
(anonymous Nazi song) 

Curtain falls amidst wild applause with the the actor playing Trump taking many bows to his adoring audience. 

P.S. The producer of this magnum opus should make haste to launch it. As a famous thespian said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances.” Our hero’s exit might be sooner than he expects.

Comments (5)

  1. Bertin Lefkovic

    Springtime for Donald
    BERTIN LEFKOVIC·SATURDAY, MARCH 31, 2018

    Amerussia was having trouble
    What a sad, sad story
    Needed a new leader to restore
    Its former glory
    Where, oh, where was he?
    Where could that man be?
    We looked around and then we found
    The man for you and me
    Where, oh, where was he?
    Where could that man be?
    We looked around and then we found
    The man for you and me!
    LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
    And now it’s…
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    Klansmen are happy and gay!
    We’re marching to a faster pace
    Look out, here comes the master race!
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    Southland’s a fine land once more!
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    Watch out, China!
    We’re going on tour!
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia…
    CHORUS:
    Look, it’s springtime
    LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
    Winter for England and France
    CHORUS AND STORMTROOPER:
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia!
    CHORUS:
    Springtime! Springtime!
    Springtime! Springtime!
    Springtime! Springtime!
    Springtime! Springtime!
    STORMTROOPER:
    Come on, Klansmen!
    Go into your dance!
    KLANSMAN “PIPPI” (with a combination of a southern accent and gay affect):
    I was born in Mississippi and that is why they call me Pippi.
    STORMTROOPER “MEL”:
    Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Republican Party!
    MELANIA:
    The Donald is coming, the Donald is coming, the Donald is coming!
    KLANSMAN #1:
    Heil Donald!
    KLANSMAN #2:
    KLANSMAN!
    LEAD TENOR KLANSMAN:
    Heil Hitler!
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    ALL:
    Heil Donald!
    DONALD:
    Heil myself
    Heil to me
    I’m the lout
    Who’s out to change our history
    Heil myself
    Raise your hand
    There’s no greater
    Dictator in the land!
    Everything I do, I do for me!
    CHORUS:
    Yes, you do!
    DONALD:
    If you’re looking for a war, here’s World War Three!
    Heil myself
    Raise your beer
    CHORUS:
    Jawohl!
    DONALD:
    Ev’ry hotsy-totsy Nazi stand and cheer
    CHORUS:
    Hooray!
    Ev’ry hotsy-totsy Nazi…
    DONALD:
    Heil myself!
    CHORUS:
    Ev’ry hotsy-totsy Nazi…
    DONALD:
    Heil myself!
    CHORUS:
    Ev’ry hotsy-totsy Nazi…
    DONALD:
    …stand and cheer!
    THE HEIL-LOs:
    The Donald is causing a furor!
    He’s got those Democrats on the run
    You gotta love that wacky one!
    The Donald is causing a furor
    They can’t say “no” to his demands
    They’re freaking out in foreign lands
    He’s got the whole world in his hands
    The Donald is causing a furor!
    DONALD:
    I was just a TV dummy
    No one more scummy
    Got a phone call from the GOP
    Told me I was their candidate
    Amerussia was blue
    What, oh, what to do?
    Hitched up my pants
    And conquered France
    Now Amerussia’s smiling through!
    ULLA:
    Challenge Tap, Challenge Tap,
    Donald digs a challenge tap,
    Bring on the Democrats to hear the fake news,
    the facts is the Republicans, cannot lose!
    Cos’ Mr D.
    ROGER:
    Who is that?
    MELANIA:
    Mr D.
    ROGER:
    That’s me!
    ULLA:
    Is wearing his dancing shoes!
    HILLARY:
    I am Hillary,
    You’ll soon be sorry!
    BILL:
    I am Bubba Bill,
    I’m just here to grab some tail!
    ROGER:
    It ain’t no myst’ry
    If it’s politics or hist’ry
    The thing you gotta know is
    Ev’rything is show biz
    Heil myself
    Watch my show
    I’m the Amerussian Ethel Merman
    Dontcha know
    We are closing borders
    The new world order is here
    Make a great big smile
    Ev’ryone sieg heil to me
    Wonderful me!
    And now it’s…
    CHORUS:
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    Goose-step’s the new step today
    DONALD:
    Springtime!
    Goose-steps!
    KLANSMEN:
    Bombs falling from the skies again
    CHORUS:
    Amerussia is on the rise again
    ROGER & CHORUS:
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    Sailboats are sailing once more
    Springtime for Donald and Amerussia
    DONALD:
    Means that…
    CHORUS:
    Soon we’ll be going…
    DONALD:
    We’ve got to be going…
    CHORUS:
    You know we’ll be going….
    DONALD:
    You bet we’ll be going…
    DONALD & CHORUS:
    You know we’ll be going to war!!

    Reply
  2. Bertin Lefkovic

    Date Rape Revisited (Inspired by Sublime)
    BERTIN LEFKOVIC·MONDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2018
    Let me tell you about a girl I know
    Had a drink about a hour ago
    Sitting in a corner by herself, at a party at Georgetown Prep
    She heard a noise and she looked across the room
    And saw a boy she’d never seen before
    Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile
    Well, her heart raced as he walked towards her
    And took an empty seat next to her on the couch
    “My brand new car is parked right outside or
    How’d ya like to go upstairs for a while?”
    And she said “Wait a minute I have to think”
    He said, “That’s fine. May I please get you a drink”
    One drink turned into three or four and they left and went upstairs
    And they were followed by another guy
    Now babe the time has come
    How’d ya like to have a little fun?
    And she said “if we could only please go back downstairs, I will not run”
    That’s when things got out of control
    She didn’t want to, he tried to have his way
    She said, “let go”
    He said, “no way!”
    Come on babe it’s your lucky day
    Shut your mouth, we’re gonna do it my way
    Come on baby don’t be afraid
    If it wasn’t for date rape I’d never get laid
    He had a friend inside who locked the door
    He was waiting for his chance to get some more
    He said “now baby don’t be sad, in my opinion you aren’t half-bad”
    He jumped on top, they fell on the floor, she jumped up, and ran out the door.
    Come on party people won’t you listen to me
    Date rape stylee
    Thirty-five years later she read in the papers, saw this guy was up for the Supreme Court
    Went to the phone and called her Senator, got invited to testify at the hearings
    Well, the day he stood in front of Senate, he screamed, “she lies that little slut!”
    The Senate knew that he was full of shit, but they confirmed him anyway
    And now his eyes are filled with tears
    One night in the office it was getting late
    He was butt-raped by Neil Gorsuch, and he screamed
    But his fellow justices paid no attention to his cries
    That’s when things got out of control
    The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny
    But that’s the way it had to be
    These guys all took a turn with him
    Well, I can’t take pity on men of his kind
    Even though he now takes it in the behind
    But that’s the way it had to be
    They are all taking turns with him and some sodomy
    Well, I can’t take pity on men of his kind
    Even though he now takes it in the behind
    Date rape!
    She didn’t want to, she didn’t want to, she didn’t want to, she didn’t want to
    Take it!

    Reply
  3. Bertin Lefkovic

    Here’s to the State of Donald Trump
    BERTIN LEFKOVIC·MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 2017
    Here’s to the State of Donald Trump
    For underneath his borders the devil draws the line
    If you drag his muddy rivers nameless bodies you will find
    And the fat trees of the forest have hid a thousand crimes
    And the calendar is lyin’ when it reads the present time
    Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
    Donald Trump, find yourself another country to be part of

    And here’s to the schools of Donald Trump
    Where they’re teachin’ all the children they don’t have to care
    All the rudiments of hatred are present everywhere
    And every single classroom is a factory of despair
    Oh, there’s nobody learnin’ such a foreign word as “fair”
    Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
    Donald Trump, find yourself another country to be part of

    And here’s to the laws of Donald Trump
    Where the wars are fought in secret, terrorism every day
    He punishes with income tax that he don’t have to pay
    And he’s tapping his own brother just to hear what he would say
    But corruption can be classic in the Donald Trump way
    Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
    Donald Trump find yourself another country to be part of

    And here’s to the churches of Donald Trump and Michael Pence
    Where the cross, once made of silver, now is caked with rust
    And the Sunday mornin’ sermons pander to their lust
    All the fallen face of Jesus is chokin’ in the dust
    And Heaven only knows in which God they can trust
    Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
    Donald Trump find yourself another country to be part of

    And here’s to the government of Donald Trump
    In the swamp of their bureaucracy they’re always boggin’ down
    And criminals are posing as advisors to the crown
    And they hope that no one sees the sights and no one hears the sound
    And the speeches of the President are the ravings of a clown
    Oh, here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of
    Donald Trump find yourself another country to be part of

    Reply
  4. Bill Orr (Post author)

    Now we know who should write the lyrics for Trump: The Musical.

    Reply
    1. Bertin Lefkovic

      Who needs writers, Bill? These songs write themselves.

      Reply

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