Alright, I’m talking to Republicans now.
We don’t always agree; maybe mostly we don’t. OK. But clearly, most all of you love your country and want to keep it safe. So do we. So I’m hoping you think very seriously before you decide you want to turn over the nuclear codes to a guy who would tell a little group of New Hampshirites that he’d “beat Hillary Clinton’s rear end.” Maybe you even think, like some of them did, that it’s funny. Trust me and the rest of New Jersey, we’re not laughing anymore. There’s something wrong with this guy.
Chris Christie has a thing about rear ends; it’s embarrassing. See, most of you are getting to know him in these heavily orchestrated, fully stage-managed town halls. But he tried those out here before he took them on the road to you. So we know his schtick. He likes an audience, and he plays that audience like fools. Great communicator. Right now, he wants to impress you that he was a U.S. Attorney. That distracts people from his record as governor, which is dismal. And it makes him sound tough, though you probably don’t know he exaggerates his prosecutor bonafides – a lot.
You should know he likes to go after women. Women in politics who dare to disagree with him get the most contemptuous treatment. The Guv likes to slap down women teachers too. But he’s not above going after teenage girls either.
I know you guys up in NH laughed when Christie said he’d beat Clinton’s behind. Maybe you like the tough talk. But here’s the thing: This guy has trouble controlling himself. The verbal smack downs. The rear end stuff. The bullying. The culture of retribution he demands, that his lackeys would throw hundreds of thousands of commuters and first responders into a near-week of traffic chaos, just to get back at a mayor who wouldn’t endorse him. This guy doesn’t deserve your vote. You can do better. Besides the fact that he’s a great salesman, who got the job but can’t do the job, you’re going to find out he’s got real problems. Don’t hand this guy the nuclear codes; he doesn’t have a handle on his emotional life. Don’t depend on him to captain America’s diplomacy, he’s not remotely capable of it.
But don’t send him back to us. We don’t want him. Send him to Fox News; that’s been his fall-back plan all along. And he’s perfectly suited for that.